Learning a New Data Set

Of course every major activity in your life revolves around food. And, as I've celebrated my graduation with progressively more family members, every meeting is accompanied by a celebratory feast.

I've learned a lot in these very panic-inducing, public meals.  I think it could be considered a good side effect of the surgery that I now have anxiety when it comes to meals instead of excitement.

The worst thing, I've decided, at a sit down dinner is expectation.  Not your own, but everyone else's.  No one wants to have attention drawn to the fact that they're not really (or can't really) eat, so when I'll order a soup, and nothing but a soup, I still cringe as the waiter/waitress says "And that's all?"

When I first started going out to eat I would order an appetizer (soup, etc) and something else; either something small or something I knew I could eat a little of and then take home.  But it was really the expectation that killed me.  I couldn't justify eating NONE of my second dish, so I would try to take a bite or two and then throw up. 

Now I'm just ordering soup.  I take it nice and slow, and just try and finish the soup and that's it.  I've learned too that food order is important.  If I have soup, and then something else, it's okay.  But if I eat food and then soup, the soup will come up.  Having the endoscopy was actually really helpful in that regard, because visualizing my tiny, 8mm anastomosis when I am eating, and thinking about what will and won't fit through there makes eating easier.

So I'm throwing up less often as a result, but every day is a new learning experience. 

Discouragingly, I saw my dad and my ex, who both didn't notice that I'd lost any weight.  I definitely feel thinner now, and am swaying my hips a bit more as a result ;)

I also joined a gym today with my friend D and we're going to "test out" a trainer tomorrow at SIX AM.  (Bleugh)

We walked the whole way to the gym, though, about 1.5 miles, and then walked back too, all in the sunshine and in my fitflops.  I think the fact that I have the energy and motivation for such things is a good sign all on its own, and I'm really looking forward to pushing it and toning up during the summer!

Adam will take the 2 month photos of me once I'm back in NYC too, and I hope to see some real difference!