I certainly feel perkier than I did last week -- but the resounding feeling is still how difficult day-to-day going is. I'm so tired of thinking about it, because every meal is a struggle. Last night I ate edamame for dinner -- about 25 of them -- and however good they tasted they still came up. I tried to relax in the bathtub, and Adam had to bring the trashcan over for me.
How... humiliating.
Throwing up seems to be my theme for this week. Since Tuesday, a day hasn't gone by where I've been able to keep everything down. I'm really struggling to keep on schedule with my vitamins and my protein shakes and everything else -- yesterday was a total wash. Once I have other things "to do" in my mind the likelihood that I'll remember to drink every hour goes down pretty steeply.
I've developed this paranoia about throwing up in public, so sometimes, if I'm on campus and it's 5 hours since my last meal, I just won't eat just in case. That's probably not very good.
While in week 1 the relief of regurgitating was the biggest feeling after I did it, not being able to hold down food this week feels a lot more discouraging. I'm more than halfway through week three, and I should be on more "solid" ground.
Even worse, I question my priorities in the healing process when, after throwing up dinner on Wednesday night (swordfish), I had to pick myself up off the bathroom floor and go to class.
I still managed to get a lot done yesterday, but overall, I feel like, since the surgery, that I have twice as much on my plate (haha, I may not be full of food but I am full of bad puns).
And it's exhausting. I can only hope that week 4 will be better. Plus, I need to start exercising!
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